Break Time

Hi,

So i decide to take a break from this blog and social media to concentrate on some other equally important matters.

Hope to be back soon.

Till then

Yours Sincerely

Ife Bamidele

See you

A WAY TO A MAN'S HEART 2 ( CHICKEN FRIED RICE WITH GIZZARD AND PLANTAIN) By, SleekTouch

Hello my beautiful people, am back with another edition of a way to a Man's heart. Today i will be talking about how to make this "deliciouness" (lol, i will put it that way)

My friends and family can testify that i can cook fried rice even when am sleep walking. (abeg no try am ooo, too much salt niyen) but lets see how these goes. Come along with me.
I have a different way of doing it, but i prefer this method you might have seen it been done a different way.
Now then lets do this,
You start with washing your rice to get a little bit of the starch off it. When that is done, put some oil a little bit, not to much of the kind of oil you prefer it could be vegetable oil, olive oil or sunflower oil. i prefer to cook with sunflower oil in a pot that will be enough for the amount of people you want to cook for oh before i forget have some chopped onions,cooked chopped chicken breast and scotch bonnet ready(rodo) if you like.

Tumeric (Indian Spice)

Chopped Onions and Chopped Scotch Bonnet

In process, rice, onions, chicken, rodo

Back to the oil bit, leave it to get hot abit, when this done, pour your washed rice in to the oil and stir continuously add the onions, scotch bonnet and i also use an Indian spice called Tumeric it gives it a green  colour  stir until the rice looks abit fried up, add some spices and salt to taste. Add some hot water and leave it to cook until its abit soft.

This is what it looks like with  tumeric. 

The next thing, is to get your mixed veg and mixed bell peppers ready. you can use fresh ones but i prefer to use frozen, just because am lazy and can't be bothered to start the chopping. (LOL)

Mixed Peppers

Mixed Vegetables.

When you you get this ready, add this to the rice and leave it to cook for about 20 -25 minutes.

VUALA!!!!!!

Doesn't this look on point????????

GIZZARD AND PLANTAIN.

I love this, it's not the typical gizzard and plantain, i don't like it too dry i add a little bit of chopped tomatoes and onions to make it soupy.

You start by getting some chicken or turkey gizzard, whichever one you prefer. wash to get all the dirt off it. Boil it add some spices and salt to taste.

This is what the gizzard looks like when it is done.

  Cut some plantain out, ready to fry so that it gets cold before you mix. don't make it too brown.

Plantain.

Put some oil in a small sauce pan to heat up a bit, you then add some chopped tomatoes and chilli powder with some onions and spices to taste. leave it too cook up a bit. you will then add the plantain and gizzard and leave it to cook up a bit. Trust me, it does taste good.

This is what it looks like.

Hope you will enjoy trying this out, please let me know what you think about this and if you have any opinion about a better way of cooking it.

Enjoy Cooking!!!!! 

Have a great weekend and Happy New Month!!!!

Communicating with your ex, YES OR NO? - OlumideJUNE

“They exchange messages regularly and he still says he misses her” these words which happen to be from a married woman have kept me wondering what the right thing is. When a relationship ends does it mean communication should end or it only has to be limited?  Having thought of this for a while I have decided to weigh the pros and cons of communicating with your ex. Ex as the word means refer to the past or former be it husband, wife, partner, friend etc.

If we therefore agree that it refers to the past or former, what are they doing in our present? Why are we allowing them to impact our future? Some have claimed that you never know the value of what you have until you lose it but I will go with the saying that if you never knew the value of what you had then you are not worthy to have had what you had. It’s just like a child who is given a diamond ball to hold and the child ends up breaking it, and probably sees a picture of him holding it when he grows older. He will definitely appreciate the value of the diamond then but in all sincerity, was the child worthy to have a diamond ball at that age? No!!!!!!!!!! So why do we allow some people give us crap by saying people are now appreciating their ex now that they no longer have them. Please guys we need to grow up. They are called ex. They have moved on. They are already having a good life without you. We also need to have a good life without them. Our future is at stake when we keep making them a factor that affects our future. I will not say do not communicate with them but I will advise that if your communication with them will affect your present and future in a negative way which most times it does then it will be better you do without them.

On a different note, looking at the fact that without communicating with your ex it is very unlikely to get back together with them so does this mean we should communicate with them to increase our chances of getting back together? Well let’s get it straight; having an ex who is still a prospect and having an ex who has moved on are two different things. An ex who is still single and is still contemplating you guys getting back might not be too bad to communicate with though as we know the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know. But the truth is how do you know which ex is still single with the rate at which we have liars all over the community nowadays. Very difficult I must say. On the other hand having an ex who is on the verge of getting married and yet still chatting you up is a no go area cause that I can tell you is time wastage. Sometimes it looks so real that he might be coming back but it’s a mirage. He/she is never coming.

Now the question, are you meant to frown at your partner communicating with their ex? Well I will stand to say you have to do what you have to do to protect what you have. If frowning will keep him/her from the preys then better start frowning and if smiling will do the work then better start doing that but above all let your major aim be the safeguarding of what you have. There are also advantages in communicating with your partners ex as that might give you better chances of keeping your partner but it might be very risky if the ex is not yet settled with someone else. Those are dangerous paths to thread but if you feel you can do it then why not give it a shot you might just be lucky but I will advise you keep off.

Above all be wise when communicating with your ex because the bitterness that lies in them might be the beginning of your downfall. Wisdom is profitable to direct. 

Eliminating Violence Against Women in Nigeria: Yes, We Can!

Eliminating Violence Against Women in Nigeria: Yes, We Can!

This post came up and is written by my humble self as a volunteer of the Brown Button Foundation, Click link to read

http://asafeworldforwomen.org/partners-in-africa/partners-in-nigeria/brown-button/bbf-updates/3345-vaw-nigeria-16days.html

Thank you

Ife Bamidele

Basics About Your Hair- Know Your Relaxer by SleekTouch

Before i became a full time Hair Stylist, i have always had a problem with relaxers and having to decide which was best for me. At a point, i actually decided to start relaxing my hair by  myself, but before i did this i had to know what relaxer was best and how the chemicals works, because most people just use all sort and do a DIY(do it yourself) without understanding the basics.
Today, i will like to talk what Relaxer is and how to get the best one for your scalp and know which one works for you best. i have been doing my research for some time and i have finally gotten something to share.

So lets crack on.

Motions Lye-Relaxer

Mizani Lye-Relaxer

Optimum No-Lye Relaxer.
                                                              

Creme of Nature No-Lye Relaxer

Relaxers contains chemicals that turns natural hair to straight processed hair. There are two types of Relaxers. (lye and No-lye Relaxer)

When it comes to relaxing of hair, it can be quite confusing as to whether to use a Lye or No-Lye Relaxer.

To get to the root of this, we have to know what these types of Relaxers are, because it would explain how to choose the best one.

Lye Relaxers

The main active chemical in Lye based Relaxer is Sodium Hydroxide. The PH level in a Lye Relaxer is more than that in a No Lye-Relaxer. Its about 12-14 percent.

A Lye Relaxer makes the hair straight quickly, this is quite a good thing because you react to the chemical and tend to rinse it out quickly.

This kind of Relaxer can be used by people who have thick hair as it quickens the Relaxing process. You also do not have to mix this Relaxer with the liquid activator.

No-Lye Relaxer

The main active chemical in No-Lye Relaxer is Calcium Hydroxide. The PH level of a No-Lye Relaxer is lower than the Lye Relaxer but it is often associated with dryer hair because of calcium buildup.

One of the Reason some people prefer a No-Lye Relaxer is if ones scalp is sensitive as the chemicals in this type of Relaxer is milder on the Scalp.

It cannot be used on children's hair tho. People however used leave it for too long because its not too harsh which makes the hair too dry because of over processing.

To remove the calcium buildup, use a very good shampoo to remove dull deposits and follow with a deep conditioning treatment as a regular part of your hair straightening process.

It's best to contact a professional to decide what  kind of relaxer you need to use. It's not advisable to apply Lye Relaxer over hair that has been processed with a No-Lye Relaxer, but if you feel like changing it would work, you can do so. I changed to a Lye because No-Lye never relaxes my hair and am glad i did.

It's really good to stick to relaxer that works for you unless it stops working. It's also not recommended that you change your relaxer all the time.  

Are you excited about him/her? - OlumideJUNE

A lot of times when people meet and start a relationship, there is this excitement that fills their life like a young lad who has just been bought a bicycle and all that is in his mind is to show it off to his friends and peers. And just as the bicycle gets older and gets scratches and all sorts of wear and tear due to usage, there is depreciation in the excitement the lad has about his bicycle and at some point he even starts forgetting about the bicycle and even sometimes getting ashamed of taking the bicycle out. Many relationships have also followed the life cycle of the bicycle.

When we start a relationship, we are so excited and the partner becomes the only thing we are concerned about, we are all over the moon talking about such partners to whoever cares to listen and even those that refuse to listen we force them to by the time we repeat ourselves. We do not make complete statements without mentioning the partner's name. We change our passwords and every name possible to reflect the person's existence. And just when time flies that excitement starts fading and then we start discovering things that have always been there from day one of meeting such people but we never bothered about. Then you start hearing excuses why passwords have changed, why display pictures and status messages do not reflect the person's existence again. Some other people who have even been given rings even go as far as removing the rings they have been given and give excuses that since they are not married why should they be wearing such rings. All these things brings one question to my mind, "Do these things naturally depreciate with time or are we responsible for the depreciation as time goes on"?

I have wondered and thought of the factors responsible for such depreciation and the first question i will like to ask you is this. " Are you excited about him/her" When last did you tell them how excited you are about them being a part of your life? When last did you change your display picture or screensaver to theirs and declare publicly they are the love of your life? Some people come up with excuses such as "Am keeping it cool and coded" but this same people are the first to say to the world how much they love their friends, family members, the new bags they just bought or how much they love a football club and yet they have refused to even mention the fact that they have someone special to them. Some other people even go as far as giving excuses for their spouse saying he or she is not the type that likes public display and the funny part is that this same boy or girl is displaying other people as people important in their lives yet you can not be displayed because he/she does not like public display. (Better upgrade yourself).

I have discovered it is natural that after a while situations change and circumstances become different and the fire burning seems to be dying but i have some good news for you. Below i will be sharing some few tips on things that will always make you keep the excitement high and burning.
In a daily routine, how often does your partner impact your activities, whether they are present or absent? Simple ways you can impact their daily activities include but are not limited to these:

Let his or her car key, house key, office key have a key holder that has your picture on it.
Let his/her laptop password have something related to you in it.
Ensure that when you are around him/her there is something he/she does everyday that when you are there you add a touch of difference to it that even when you are not there and he/she is doing it they remember it would have been done differently if you were around. It can be as little as helping him knot his tie when going to work or as little has helping her unhook her bra. Such you know they do everyday and so anytime they are doing it your presence puts a stamp that puts a smile on their face.

Also think of it this way, how many lecturers during your school days that never taught you while you were in school do you still remember today? Am sure the answer is a few, some people do not even remember the ones that taught them. This is exactly how life is and how things get to depreciate, when there is no continuous impact or effect partners have on each others life, there is a tendency things just deteriorate not because anything is wrong but just because human life is naturally more responsive to impact rather than dormancy. When we start a relationship we are excited because there is an impact that the new person has brought, but when there is no consistency of impact or effect our brains automatically switch to a dormant mode which makes us feel the non existence of such partners again.

I will therefore wish to appeal to all single and married people reading this to spice up your relationships today and get them excited about you again and you too should get excited they are in your life. Put things in place that will make your day incomplete without their impact directly or indirectly. Do not wait for them to call you before you remember they exist. In case you also have some more tips to help please comment and contribute.


OlumideJUNE.

SHALL WE SAY THE TRUTH ALWAYS ?

In everyday life we are advised to tell the truth. We have been told by good leaders, teachers, elders as well as clergy that the truth sets free and without it you will be in bondage.

This sounds nice, very nice until the truth is dirty, murky and painful. Not until you discover the harm in that truth of yours do you have to evaluate the effect of that truth. Am i saying in turn that the truth is bad, Nay, I only wish to set some records straight, sometimes the whole truth is a heavy weight and can be hurtful and maybe potentially harmful.

Relationship experts and counsellors always face this challenge everyday, they are asked by clients especially intending couples of how much information they should let go. This question does not have a one off answer and will never have a perfect answer. The answer to this question is tailor made, yes i mean tailor made.

The truth should be told,it saves lives, it prevents trouble and discoveries that can lead to shame at a later date however the truth should be told at the right time, to the right person in the right place. Let us assume that you are privy to some affair between your boss and some other member of staff and his wife calls you to ask, Is my husband cheating on me? What should you say or how should you answer? I am afraid these are the times to be wise with the truth. Opening your mouth to speak just because you are the frankest and most truthful of living beings is not always the answer, how wise are you with information available to you. If you discover one of your parents is having an affair, what should you do, walk up to the other parent and just open your mouth? Maybe Not, This is where the truth must be told but wisely and sometimes in bits and pieces.

You must always ask yourself, Why am i actually going to say this truth? For my sake or for the sake of others. It is important that our truth does not do more harm than good. An unevaluated expression under the guise of saying the truth may not bring the desired result, be truthful in love.

If the truth relates to another person, many are very careless.  But what if this truth is about you? When should you tell your partner you had a love child? When should you tell him you were once a victim of rape? Should you ever tell him. What information should you keep from him and how much of it should she know? When many are asked simple questions like how many relationships have you been in, a lot of us just pick a random number and select a few of the notable ones so that conversation is done and dusted but is that the truth or the wise truth. I will not advise or suggest lying to anyone but i will suggest counselling in complex cases. In some circumstances, healthcare practitioners have battled between confidentiality and public safety in revealing some medical information of individuals to their families or partners. In conditions like HIV and AIDS and other similar challenges, protecting the infected is a duty by the health practitioner, however he should not only protect the infected but the affected. A medical law expert can advise on procedures for such.

If the information is about you or another and it is the truth, it is always best to reveal it to those who will be affected the most or closest to you, however it is most advisable to contact a professional ( preferably a trained counsellor) to advise on when and where to tell this truth. A split second can change the way we recieve information and its impact. Also the chances that we will accept in good faith an information that is not so pleasurable when we are more prepared are higher than if we were unprepared. THE TRUTH SETS FREE, THE TRUTH SAVES YOU, BUT LEARN TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP WHEN THAT TRUTH CAN CAUSE HARM OR DAMAGE. YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN, HOW AND WHERE TO SAY A BAD TRUTH.

Ife Bamidele

PURSUE YOUR DREAM AND BE THE BEST

Today at Garden of Love, Ilesa-Akure Expressway, Ilesa, Osun State, Nigeria.
 We get a time to hear from two of God's servants on How to Pursue your dream and Be the Best, This is my own invite to you. If you can make it please do. Wish there was a live streaming but maybe for the next conference.

ACCESSORIES!!!! THE FASHION STATEMENT YOU NEED!!!

 Its a great day, Hope u having fun. TODAY, we ve got loads coming up on Fashion and Ladies things but just to start with , Check out something that gets you dazzling if you get it right, its your Accessories

FASHION ACCESSORIES!!!!!!! NEVER FADE OUT

Fashion Accessories are item used to contribute to an outfit, they also used to complete an outfit.

they also make the outfit more versatile and attractive.

Accessories are catergorised into two parts,  those that can be worn and those that are carried. Accessories that are worn are jackets, boots, Jewellery, belts, brooch, watches, sunglasses. etc. Those that are carried are umbrellas, handbags, hand fans, scarf etc.

Personally, i love accessories because it adds statement to whatever i wear and i do love to show it off. i hardly go out without a scarf.

i would advice that an outfit should not be worn without one.

CHECK OUT THE ACCESSORIES BELOW!!!!!

you can also view a wider range of accessories  for sale on order on my facebook page below

Sleek Touch Accessories 

Brooch

Brooch

Brooch

Brooch

Brooch

Ring

Ring

Earrings

Earrings

Necklace

Add caption

All Jewelleries by Sleek Touch Accessories.

All bags from Zara

SWAG : Saved With Amazing Grace- TOLUccI

This video is swaggalicious, yep yep and thats the word. Do you know the great grace we have is no doubt the greatest of all swags so watch this have fun and get the message.

And if you think the word swagger was a creation of hip hop or rap, Check Psalm 73:9 Complete Jewish Bible version, ok thats on a lighter note though.

Watch the SavedWithAmazingGrace (SWAG) Video by TOLUccI here.

WHO ARE YOU SPEAKING TO?

Who are you speaking to? Who do you get advice from?

During my short period i have spent here on planet earth , I have come to discover that so many things that we see aren’t really what they appear to be. Some are just the way they are while some are entirely false and different. Now this applies to human beings as well. They smile at you, they walk with you, wear same clothes as you and even sleep on the same bed you sleep on yet they are not those you feel they are. There are two things that might be wrong, either you assume they are not what they are or they paint to you what they are not.

I remember back in school, there were different clicks that walk together and do stuffs together especially the girls, and I remember this two particular girls they were in the same class same hostel and they even went as far as putting on the same type of clothes what the yorubas in South West Nigeria, Africa call “Anko”. When you see them together you always want to have a close buddy around you. Little did anyone know it was not what it appeared to be on the outside?  There was this guy who was unfortunate to be caught in between them. If you check this guy’s phone in the night you will see text messages from the two girls each abusing the other and gossiping about the other girl and I can tell you the next morning these two will still walk to class together and you will think they were made to be together from God.

What am I saying, in different aspects of our lives we speak with people and we get advice from people even though I will be focusing more on relationships in this piece I will like us to ask ourselves one question. “WHO HAVE I BEING SPEAKING TO?  WHOSE ADVICE HAVE I BEING RECIEVING”

In the past we have heard so many talks on relationships and how to keep good ones and all sorts of talk but yet based on all these awareness we discover relationships are getting damaged every day and separations are all over the place and then you ask yourself why such is so common. If you compare the rate at which separations occur in this generation and that of the olden days, you will discover that our present generation is suffering from separation BOOM. I have been able to speak with a lot of people and I have also listened to a lot of people speak to me and I can say one of the major problems of relationships (be it marriage, courtship, dating and even friendship) are the sources of advice and comfort spot.

At some point in life there are some people you find naturally comfortable to speak with be it your parents, pastors, Imams, siblings, friends and you sometimes see these people as those that you will follow whatever they say forgetting they are also human and there is that blood running in their veins as well. Before, during and after relationships we get to speak with them and follow things they say and I can tell you there is no bigger mistake anyone can make than to follow an advice without assessing the effect and the state of mind of the person giving such an advice.

Recently I was speaking with a single lady who happens to be a pastor of a fellowship, and then as we discussed she said a guy just left her place after coming to seek advice on how to handle his relationship, and she said has she spoke to the guy she felt like hugging and consuming the guy cause she had a feeling for the guy which made her get high (horny). Now according to her she didn’t do anything and she advised the guy and he left. Now let’s assume the lady was really desperate and so decided to advice the guy in such a way that the advice will lead to the guy’s relationship being destroyed. The guy would have come back to her and informed her on what happened and then she will work her way into his life and then things go on from there. Now that is a typical example of things that happen in our everyday life. We get advice without processing them or identifying the motive or the source of the advice and we just apply them without confirming if it suites our situations or not. We do not even confirm if those giving advises have other intentions we just go by the flow of the advice and this has cost some people their relationships and others their lives.

Also note that such advice might not necessarily have a bad motive just that such might not be what you need as at that time. Say for instance parents who advice their male children not to get married till they have fully settled down and have enough money, that in itself is not a bad advice but if the parent’s intention of saying that is because they feel if the guy gets married early they wouldn’t be able to benefit or reap the fruits of their son, now that becomes a bad one that needs processing. Now imagine a guy who has a good relationship and was about to get married listens to that and because the parents said that, he takes their word for it and leaves the girl forgetting the parents said it for their own selfish interest. That automatically adds to the number of separations and it ends up having a lasting impact in our lives.

I will therefore urge us today to always process advices we get no matter which aspect or area of our lives it concerns and ensure it suites our situation and also try to ensure that we don’t just take advices the way they come because we never can tell the motive behind such advice.  Especially to the ladies, as I said in the beginning not everyone smiling at you wants the same thing you want so please take note.

See you next Friday 

OlumideJUNE 

iTS Friday lets get it on

Yep Yep, Been some hours of silence and its Friday, yep the ever scintilating Friday and here we are, its been a good week overall. Condolences to the Saraki family for the loss of the family head Senator Olusola Saraki. May his soul rest in peace.

In a bit we shall be reading OlumideJUNE on his Life and Relationship Fridays and also coming up is Tolucci 's music video SWAG [SavedWithAmazingGrace]. I wish you a great day and your best ever. We shouldnt have better yesterdays should we?

Sleektouch Beauty Services in Patchway, Bristol | Hairdressing Services | Gumtree.com

Sleektouch Beauty Services in Patchway, Bristol | Hairdressing Services | Gumtree.com

CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?

Its a bright morning, you think no one knows you here, you walk in , introduce yourself and speak with the people, all of them nod and allow you to rant on about the cock and bull story you have just relayed but somebody cannot stomach it anymore, He shouts are you not the Jack Sparrow? Such is the world that we live in now. Nothing tends to be kept away from the globe. We seem not to be able to hide our fears and affairs, our lives and times and believe me often times this has saved individuals from self-harm and suicide however can your inability to keep a secret put you in danger.

When things around us get on and about, the greatest fear we have is that of a betrayal, We say 'Oh they ve spoken about me to you, bad people isnt it? but not so my friend this time around there's no they, its just you. Its you overjoyed on that social media page saying all about how your salary came in this morning and where and what you will be up to this night. I hope to run a well researched serie on how to keep your secrets secret in this open world but till then learn to be your own Chief Security Officer.

Have a lovely day and if you dont have to say, tweet,facebook,blog,whatsapp that info. Dont!

Ife Bamidele



credit:image:skreened.com, social media icons: forbes.com

I cant thank you enough and Goodnight Pa Lam

Its a new week and we all hope for the best this week. I pray and hope that we get the best out of the week and utilise every opportunity we have this week.

I thought this morning of how i got a little bit serious about this blog about a month ago and in no time its had a widespread readership. I cant say thank you enough to the good people who take their time to read this blog, the friends who share it on all social media sites and channels and those who have taken to campaigning for the blog. I am honoured and delighted. I hope to give this blog a little bit more of structure as time permits but till then, enjoy our lovely articles, write-ups, pieces, pictures, quotes and whatever you see come up.

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

A big thank you to OlumideJune and Sleektouchhair who handle Friday on Life and Relationships and Sleektouch on Ladies things and Fashion with some kitchen paparrazi. I appreciate your efforts.



On a rather sad note, yesterday we lost a citizen of Nigeria, a former governor of Oyo State, Alhaji Lamidi Adesina.He died at the age of 73 and has been laid to rest. May his soul rest in peace. 

Photo credits: leadership.ng, globalvoices.org

A GRATEFUL HEART : CHURCH ON THE BLOG

iTS Church on the Blog

I wish to share something very simple. Its called gratitude.

If we look around us today, we may not necessarily be happy with what we see, we might think it could have gotten better. Sometimes things are going smooth but you think there's something you wish was just better but hasnt. I encourage you today to be grateful for what you have. Be grateful every inch of the way. The grass is not always greener on your neighbour's lawn. Days, times and seasons will pass by but the will og God is for you to be thankful. In everything give thanks for this is the will of God.

If today what you have isnt enough, please note it can get better. Note that Jesus in so many situations did not consider the challenge but gave thanks and there was a way out. Why not be thankful today for life, and that you can read this.

I am grateful that i do not have all i want or even need but that i am alive means it can only get better.

Have a great week.

Ife.

RIRI @ THE VICTORIA SECRET FASHION SHOW

Am so sorry guys this is coming late.(i no go carry last now). but as you know Saturday is my day so i should still be allowed.
Check out what Rihanna wore to the Victoria Secret show on the 7th Nov at the Lexington Armony in New York. She was there with Justin Bieber and Bruno Mars.

They look like they re having a good time.

Riri who doesn't mind going about in her underwear(lol) looked very much in place for the ceremony. she fitted well into the occasion.
Some people say she looks hot but eeeerrrrm am not quite sure because its not my kind of outfits.

i love the glasses and the necklace. and the suspender too.

whoops!!! cheeky

one of  my favorite from the show

Seriously guys i think you should be thinking of buying some of the pieces for your girlfriends. I am also aware that they do some body mist, lip-glosses, hand cream etc.
Am sure my ladies need and want some treats.

SOME MEN ARE NATURALLY WICKED AND EVIL: A lesson for all Men from a Feminist Perspective

And after reading it he said, “It might interest you to watch the video or read the transcript of 'the dangers of a single story'”. And as the obedient child that I was I watched it and it opened my eyes to the words of the elders which always proved useful.

Many have heard men say I can’t put all my eggs in one basket, and this principle they have applied to every area of their lives without any form of moderation. They even go as far as applying this in their relationships and marriages - Should this be called wisdom or foolishness?

Let’s go down memory lane a bit. Having spoken to several people on relationship matters and I am sure you have read or witnessed some as well, you will agree with me that some men are just naturally wicked and evil.

The men are the ones who want a faithful wife yet want to have the freedom to have a 'taste' around when they feel like, giving excuses that it’s a man’s right and that this is what their forefathers did and that it worked for them.

You also hear some others say they will 'flex' around and sleep with as many as possible to gain experience - according to them, but then ensure they get married to virgins.

Lastly, you hear excuses such as I am only trying to keep her company because of her plight, because I feel sorry for her. You then see these men abandon their own relationships and marriages, for the sake of another woman's 'plight'.

The ultimate question that comes to my mind is where are these excuses coming from? And all I concluded at was that they had probably had terrible experiences in the past; witnessed some horrendous events, or heard about others - yet are these reasons enough?

Is a singular story or a couple of stories about men who did it right and were hurt at the end enough to make you want to do it wrong so that you don’t get hurt?  Is the singular story of that man who slept with several ladies and is now happily married with kids enough to make you want to do the same? Or is the singular story of that married man who is sleeping with other women outside and getting away with it enough for you to want to do the same? Is that one story enough justification for your actions? Is a single story enough reason to want to break up with her or is that single story enough to want to conclude on her? Why is that single story of her getting pregnant at a teenage age enough for you to conclude she is a whore? Why that single story of catching her caught 'pants down' with her ex enough justification that she sleeps around? Why is that single story of that chat on her phone enough reason for her to be a suspect?

Now let’s turn the tables around, did your one-time story of stealing dad’s car to go carry a babe/lady tag you as a thief? Did your past story of cheating on her and realising your mistake afterwards make you a cheat for life? Did your single story of rendering help to that lady label you as someone having an affair?

If those answers are No, then why not spare the ladies and give them a chance to live the good life you are longing to live? Why not allow them tell their own story instead of writing it for them? Why not give them a better future by you doing things right and not jumping to conclusions so easily.

They are our daughters, sisters, friends, mothers and wives...Why treat them the way you are treating them now? They have all it takes to ruin or make you; give them a chance and you will be glad you never gave up on them so fast.

OlumideJUNE 09/11/2012