A lot of times when people meet and start a relationship, there is this excitement that fills their life like a young lad who has just been bought a bicycle and all that is in his mind is to show it off to his friends and peers. And just as the bicycle gets older and gets scratches and all sorts of wear and tear due to usage, there is depreciation in the excitement the lad has about his bicycle and at some point he even starts forgetting about the bicycle and even sometimes getting ashamed of taking the bicycle out. Many relationships have also followed the life cycle of the bicycle.
When we start a relationship, we are so excited and the partner becomes the only thing we are concerned about, we are all over the moon talking about such partners to whoever cares to listen and even those that refuse to listen we force them to by the time we repeat ourselves. We do not make complete statements without mentioning the partner's name. We change our passwords and every name possible to reflect the person's existence. And just when time flies that excitement starts fading and then we start discovering things that have always been there from day one of meeting such people but we never bothered about. Then you start hearing excuses why passwords have changed, why display pictures and status messages do not reflect the person's existence again. Some other people who have even been given rings even go as far as removing the rings they have been given and give excuses that since they are not married why should they be wearing such rings. All these things brings one question to my mind, "Do these things naturally depreciate with time or are we responsible for the depreciation as time goes on"?
I have wondered and thought of the factors responsible for such depreciation and the first question i will like to ask you is this. " Are you excited about him/her" When last did you tell them how excited you are about them being a part of your life? When last did you change your display picture or screensaver to theirs and declare publicly they are the love of your life? Some people come up with excuses such as "Am keeping it cool and coded" but this same people are the first to say to the world how much they love their friends, family members, the new bags they just bought or how much they love a football club and yet they have refused to even mention the fact that they have someone special to them. Some other people even go as far as giving excuses for their spouse saying he or she is not the type that likes public display and the funny part is that this same boy or girl is displaying other people as people important in their lives yet you can not be displayed because he/she does not like public display. (Better upgrade yourself).
I have discovered it is natural that after a while situations change and circumstances become different and the fire burning seems to be dying but i have some good news for you. Below i will be sharing some few tips on things that will always make you keep the excitement high and burning.
In a daily routine, how often does your partner impact your activities, whether they are present or absent? Simple ways you can impact their daily activities include but are not limited to these:
Let his or her car key, house key, office key have a key holder that has your picture on it.
Let his/her laptop password have something related to you in it.
Ensure that when you are around him/her there is something he/she does everyday that when you are there you add a touch of difference to it that even when you are not there and he/she is doing it they remember it would have been done differently if you were around. It can be as little as helping him knot his tie when going to work or as little has helping her unhook her bra. Such you know they do everyday and so anytime they are doing it your presence puts a stamp that puts a smile on their face.
Also think of it this way, how many lecturers during your school days that never taught you while you were in school do you still remember today? Am sure the answer is a few, some people do not even remember the ones that taught them. This is exactly how life is and how things get to depreciate, when there is no continuous impact or effect partners have on each others life, there is a tendency things just deteriorate not because anything is wrong but just because human life is naturally more responsive to impact rather than dormancy. When we start a relationship we are excited because there is an impact that the new person has brought, but when there is no consistency of impact or effect our brains automatically switch to a dormant mode which makes us feel the non existence of such partners again.
I will therefore wish to appeal to all single and married people reading this to spice up your relationships today and get them excited about you again and you too should get excited they are in your life. Put things in place that will make your day incomplete without their impact directly or indirectly. Do not wait for them to call you before you remember they exist. In case you also have some more tips to help please comment and contribute.
OlumideJUNE.
When we start a relationship, we are so excited and the partner becomes the only thing we are concerned about, we are all over the moon talking about such partners to whoever cares to listen and even those that refuse to listen we force them to by the time we repeat ourselves. We do not make complete statements without mentioning the partner's name. We change our passwords and every name possible to reflect the person's existence. And just when time flies that excitement starts fading and then we start discovering things that have always been there from day one of meeting such people but we never bothered about. Then you start hearing excuses why passwords have changed, why display pictures and status messages do not reflect the person's existence again. Some other people who have even been given rings even go as far as removing the rings they have been given and give excuses that since they are not married why should they be wearing such rings. All these things brings one question to my mind, "Do these things naturally depreciate with time or are we responsible for the depreciation as time goes on"?
I have wondered and thought of the factors responsible for such depreciation and the first question i will like to ask you is this. " Are you excited about him/her" When last did you tell them how excited you are about them being a part of your life? When last did you change your display picture or screensaver to theirs and declare publicly they are the love of your life? Some people come up with excuses such as "Am keeping it cool and coded" but this same people are the first to say to the world how much they love their friends, family members, the new bags they just bought or how much they love a football club and yet they have refused to even mention the fact that they have someone special to them. Some other people even go as far as giving excuses for their spouse saying he or she is not the type that likes public display and the funny part is that this same boy or girl is displaying other people as people important in their lives yet you can not be displayed because he/she does not like public display. (Better upgrade yourself).
I have discovered it is natural that after a while situations change and circumstances become different and the fire burning seems to be dying but i have some good news for you. Below i will be sharing some few tips on things that will always make you keep the excitement high and burning.
In a daily routine, how often does your partner impact your activities, whether they are present or absent? Simple ways you can impact their daily activities include but are not limited to these:
Let his or her car key, house key, office key have a key holder that has your picture on it.
Let his/her laptop password have something related to you in it.
Ensure that when you are around him/her there is something he/she does everyday that when you are there you add a touch of difference to it that even when you are not there and he/she is doing it they remember it would have been done differently if you were around. It can be as little as helping him knot his tie when going to work or as little has helping her unhook her bra. Such you know they do everyday and so anytime they are doing it your presence puts a stamp that puts a smile on their face.
Also think of it this way, how many lecturers during your school days that never taught you while you were in school do you still remember today? Am sure the answer is a few, some people do not even remember the ones that taught them. This is exactly how life is and how things get to depreciate, when there is no continuous impact or effect partners have on each others life, there is a tendency things just deteriorate not because anything is wrong but just because human life is naturally more responsive to impact rather than dormancy. When we start a relationship we are excited because there is an impact that the new person has brought, but when there is no consistency of impact or effect our brains automatically switch to a dormant mode which makes us feel the non existence of such partners again.
I will therefore wish to appeal to all single and married people reading this to spice up your relationships today and get them excited about you again and you too should get excited they are in your life. Put things in place that will make your day incomplete without their impact directly or indirectly. Do not wait for them to call you before you remember they exist. In case you also have some more tips to help please comment and contribute.
OlumideJUNE.
17 comments:
Let's start the excitement campaign right here now. If you are excited about this piece and you feel the writer nailed it. Then retweet, repost and make your status message for a day. *smiles*
Well said!!
Well, you have spoken well Sir, I guess some people still got reasons to be coded though, dont crucify me for that. Coded doesnt always mean unserious. If you buy a bicycle and your mum thinks you shouldnt show it off so you dont create enemies, then you may consider riding when needful. Guess thats why some kids only rode bicycles in their compound
Sadee Ogundare wrote via facebook Some kids only rode in their compound - I agree, they must love low life or they are jeje lomo Eko n lo
Ife you nor serious...ℓ☺ℓ. So I should not show her off too so that enemies won't snatch her...hehehe
WorD!!!! 9cceee 1
Hmmmm welldone! Broo..... I can relate 2 dT
Well said Ife, sm pple av good reasons to b coded which doesn't mean unserious. Nice piece
Great piece June.....Commitment and Impact!
Nice Piece Olumide.I believe we all need to keep our rlships spiciy and exciting whether we like it coded or Open,most imptly,be yourself and never start what you can't sustain or complete and remember LOVE is only the starting point.
Waow. Well written n outlined. Brilliant piece. May God help us all. I respect ur opinion always.
I love this. Well written. We should follow this. Difficult to accept the truth, but we sometimes hve misplaced priority. Which makes us make decisions according to that.
Huuuummmm. I get what June is trying to pass across here, which is quite essential in romantic relationships but I have 'ishes' with some of the thought patterns.
1) The reason why you find yourself not being as super excited as you were with you beloved in the initial stage of your relationship is because it is NATURAL. Its a natural course/pattern in any relationship, its called the CONFLICT STAGE. It is characterized by a lot of arguments, quarrels, you ask yourself what u ever saw in the person, you get irritated easily.........at this stage, the infatuation has worn off and we are getting to know the real person. At this stage, because no human is perfect, you begin to notice the weaknesses and negative character traits your beloved has. Now, what you do with this stage, how you handle it will determine the progress of the relationship to the next stage......where you stabilize. In my opinion, the best way to handle this stage is to pray lots and communicate lots. After you have seen the not-so-great- side of ur partner, you need to decide if u wanna go on or not but really, every relationship goes through this phase, what u do with it however makes the difference.
2) Like Ife pointed, that someone is not displaying pictures of his/her beloved doesnt mean they are not appreciated. We each have our diff expressions of affection and some people are just private like that o. If u ask me, I'll rather have a man who caters to me emotionally n is always there when I need him than one who is always putting my pic up......but thats just me sha. What is most important is that you find out and understand your partner's Love Language (this is peculiar to each person) and try to love the person like he/she wants to be loved......that way ure sure u are getting it right.
I agree, doing things together helps to create fond memories and fosters the connection between couples. It is quite important to keep the spark in ur relationship alive. Talk, go out, take vacations, appreciate each other, do thoughtful things for each other, the list goes on.....
My two kobo......
Thanks everyone for the comments and stopping by to read. @omoregee, i guess the flow got mixed up while you were reading, the piece relates to those who have once been excited by displaying pictures and screensavers etc. and then suddenly stop. That is why the illustration of the bicycle was used whereby he was showing it around and then suddenly stopped. As regards public display, i totally agree that different people have different ways of expressing love, but the truth is that it has to be expressed, and i have recommended public display based on it's impact derived from research, experience and testimonies. When you express publicly it becomes difficult to mess around when that conflict stage comes as you mentioned. So you end up looking for a fast way to end such conflicts and make things get back to normal which enhances a long lasting relationship. Let's relate it to getting born again, has anyone ever wondered some of the reasons why people are called out to declare their love for God after they accept him into their lives? One of the reasons is so that they can stay strong in the faith when temptations come. The public declaration makes one conscious of things they do and also helps to send away some form of temptation that might come your way. Let's give an example, a lady who is known to have a relationship is less likely to be seen walking into a hotel with another man in broad day light compared to a lady who is not known if she has a relationship or not. I will conclude by saying public display is not a compulsory thing but it is a strategy not only to help you but also to help your partner and your relationship as a whole to last and stay stronger.
No sire, no mixy here.....nothing got mixed up. I am still saying, that the excitement suddenly stopped as well posting DPs et al is a reaction based on conflicts arising in the relationship at that time. It is the outpour of emotions, a reaction.....n it is seasonal or can be terminal based on how it is handled.
I really don't want to go back n forth....i'll say again that it is important to find out how ur beloved particularly wants to be loved and understands ur love, nelse u may be loving amiss. Using my sister as an example, if ure displaying her pics 24/7, u are wasting ur time, mof she would categorically tell u she doesn't want it cos she is a private person......the people that really matter and should know about the relationship know about it. This aint a party, whoever will mess up will mess up, inspite of however many pics u put up. I know quite a number of peeps who have their gfs pics as profile pic but do side runs......so, I am saying, there is no premise for ur conclusion. It may be ur opinion but isn't really what works for everybody. Haven't u heard of 'Trophy Girlfriends' ?! Everyone knows her but he has no intention of marrying her....... haven't u heard of ladies who got introduced to the parents but that was just a ruse.....I can go on.
Personally, I advocate for taking it slow before coming out to declare ur commitment with a partner to ur parents, family, friends....n the public. U save urself a lot of hassles n third party interference this way. Third party has been known to ruin a lot of rels......when 2 pple are clearly not meant to be together n they happened to find out in the course of the rel, the parents, friends, public keep advocating that they should be together putting undue pressure on this pple. Easy does it, take ur time to get to know this person n get enough clarity before u make a declaration......im just saying, it saves a lot of headache. The most imp thing is that u are sure u love n want this person n this person is aware of ur feelings......the public DO NOT matter at all.
A lot of Christians do so many under G runs we don't get to know until it escalates. That everyone knows u are a christian does not help one stay strong in faith my dear.......it is grace and a firm root in the WORD that does. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb n the Words of our testimony (confessing the Word). A Christian can only be held accountable to what is public knowledge......a lot of the weights that beset Christians are not public knowledge.
@Omoregee, you just dey tackle me any how, I relate very well with the fact that people use dp's very well and yet still do runz, but the fact still remains that the chances are reduced and there is a form of restriction. I am not talking based on just opinions, there are results that proves them. What will happen will happen but they can be reduced and sometimes avoided. It is easier for a man to triple date when he isnt attached to a lady than for him to do that when he is well known with a lady. Because the remaining two ladies too will be on his case. As i said testimonies are all over, evidence do exist. It's not just rules that cant be practiced. They have worked for people and they are still working for people. It might not work for everyone perfectly but it has a positive impact on a relationship. Why not recommend marriages are done in the sitting and no one gets to know couples aren't no longer single. So many things to relate it to. But let me stop here.
I seem to have missed out on this convo between Omoregee and June, now that i am here, i must say i seem to agree with Omoregee on a few things she pointed out however there is no hard and fast rule to this. The Conflict stage is an idea od somebody, it reflects in most relationships but definitely not all. Omoregee has asked us to pray more, decide whether we want our relationships and not be forced by pressures of friends, family and DP to keep a relationship we should have let go. Bro June thinks public declaration is a safeguard. I think it is where both partners are committed to this but if either partner decides to switch lanes, public display is not sufficient briddle. I must say that what such public display does is puts you under great pressure even when you cant keep up. On this note both parties are right in their way but for now i am on Omoregee's page.
Post a Comment