WHO ARE YOU SPEAKING TO?

Who are you speaking to? Who do you get advice from?

During my short period i have spent here on planet earth , I have come to discover that so many things that we see aren’t really what they appear to be. Some are just the way they are while some are entirely false and different. Now this applies to human beings as well. They smile at you, they walk with you, wear same clothes as you and even sleep on the same bed you sleep on yet they are not those you feel they are. There are two things that might be wrong, either you assume they are not what they are or they paint to you what they are not.

I remember back in school, there were different clicks that walk together and do stuffs together especially the girls, and I remember this two particular girls they were in the same class same hostel and they even went as far as putting on the same type of clothes what the yorubas in South West Nigeria, Africa call “Anko”. When you see them together you always want to have a close buddy around you. Little did anyone know it was not what it appeared to be on the outside?  There was this guy who was unfortunate to be caught in between them. If you check this guy’s phone in the night you will see text messages from the two girls each abusing the other and gossiping about the other girl and I can tell you the next morning these two will still walk to class together and you will think they were made to be together from God.

What am I saying, in different aspects of our lives we speak with people and we get advice from people even though I will be focusing more on relationships in this piece I will like us to ask ourselves one question. “WHO HAVE I BEING SPEAKING TO?  WHOSE ADVICE HAVE I BEING RECIEVING”

In the past we have heard so many talks on relationships and how to keep good ones and all sorts of talk but yet based on all these awareness we discover relationships are getting damaged every day and separations are all over the place and then you ask yourself why such is so common. If you compare the rate at which separations occur in this generation and that of the olden days, you will discover that our present generation is suffering from separation BOOM. I have been able to speak with a lot of people and I have also listened to a lot of people speak to me and I can say one of the major problems of relationships (be it marriage, courtship, dating and even friendship) are the sources of advice and comfort spot.

At some point in life there are some people you find naturally comfortable to speak with be it your parents, pastors, Imams, siblings, friends and you sometimes see these people as those that you will follow whatever they say forgetting they are also human and there is that blood running in their veins as well. Before, during and after relationships we get to speak with them and follow things they say and I can tell you there is no bigger mistake anyone can make than to follow an advice without assessing the effect and the state of mind of the person giving such an advice.

Recently I was speaking with a single lady who happens to be a pastor of a fellowship, and then as we discussed she said a guy just left her place after coming to seek advice on how to handle his relationship, and she said has she spoke to the guy she felt like hugging and consuming the guy cause she had a feeling for the guy which made her get high (horny). Now according to her she didn’t do anything and she advised the guy and he left. Now let’s assume the lady was really desperate and so decided to advice the guy in such a way that the advice will lead to the guy’s relationship being destroyed. The guy would have come back to her and informed her on what happened and then she will work her way into his life and then things go on from there. Now that is a typical example of things that happen in our everyday life. We get advice without processing them or identifying the motive or the source of the advice and we just apply them without confirming if it suites our situations or not. We do not even confirm if those giving advises have other intentions we just go by the flow of the advice and this has cost some people their relationships and others their lives.

Also note that such advice might not necessarily have a bad motive just that such might not be what you need as at that time. Say for instance parents who advice their male children not to get married till they have fully settled down and have enough money, that in itself is not a bad advice but if the parent’s intention of saying that is because they feel if the guy gets married early they wouldn’t be able to benefit or reap the fruits of their son, now that becomes a bad one that needs processing. Now imagine a guy who has a good relationship and was about to get married listens to that and because the parents said that, he takes their word for it and leaves the girl forgetting the parents said it for their own selfish interest. That automatically adds to the number of separations and it ends up having a lasting impact in our lives.

I will therefore urge us today to always process advices we get no matter which aspect or area of our lives it concerns and ensure it suites our situation and also try to ensure that we don’t just take advices the way they come because we never can tell the motive behind such advice.  Especially to the ladies, as I said in the beginning not everyone smiling at you wants the same thing you want so please take note.

See you next Friday 

OlumideJUNE